Traveling with Teens: Real Talk with an 18 Year Old

Traveling with Teens: Real Talk with an 18 Year Old

Ever wondered how to make traveling with teenagers actually enjoyable for everyone? In this episode of TravelEssary, we’re joined by our 18-year-old son, Justin, for an honest conversation about what really works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to road-tripping and vacationing with teens.

From giving them a say in the planning process to knowing when to back off and let them have some space, we cover the simple things that can make a huge difference. We chat about:

• The surprising upsides of screen time while traveling
• Why teens crave independence (and how to give it without losing connection)
• Creative ways to keep them engaged without forcing “family fun”
• How to create space for meaningful conversations, without making it awkward

Whether you’re hitting the road full-time like us or just planning your next family trip, this episode is full of practical tips and real talk from a teen who’s been there.

Transcript

  We're the Essary family and we're exploring America one destination at a time. On today's episode of TravelEssary, we are going to share some tips for traveling with teens from one of our teenagers. Let's chat.

Welcome and thank you for joining us today. Today, as you can tell, we do not have Jeremy because normally he gives the welcome on every episode, but he is out of town and working on his new job, and I do have someone with me though, and that is one of our teenagers. Hello. So we have Justin with us today.

He's not a man of many words, but I'm, I'm having him come on today and share his thoughts.  It's inevitable as parents that one day we're gonna be traveling with teenagers, if you have kids. They do grow up to be teenagers. And we have some tips today that we wanna share with you guys of how to make that.

Transition into teenager hood a little bit easier. , would you say teenagers are always easy to travel with? Justin? No, and I can say that as a teenager. Yeah. So Justin just turned 18 about two months ago? Yes ma'am. So although you are an adult and I'm doing air quotes right now, yes, please. You are still a teenager.

18 is still a teenager. But I thought it would be really cool to do this episode with you so that as I talk about each thing, you can share it from your perspective. So first tip, , include them in the planning. Absolutely. So, uh, mom will sometimes ask us if we want to, , look for a. A place to either eat or , what we're staying at, what we're doing.

And usually I'll say more food places because I'm hungry all the time. Yeah. Justin actually doesn't like to be too involved in the planning process. I like surprises. So yeah, he's always like, I just wanna wait and find out. He's very much like his dad in that instance. You know, Jeremy, we've talked about it many times.

He doesn't really like to be too involved in the planning process because he doesn't wanna have like high expectations going in. I think Justin's pretty similar. Uh, I just like surprises. You just like surprises. He just wants it to feel like his birthday every day that there's something new going on, it's just like a surprise around each corner.

It's like, oh, what's that? We just go do the thing. You like the mystery of it? I do. You like the mystery of it. But he is pretty adamant about adding lots of food stops. It's usually his one main request. Anytime I, I ask everyone like, what do you wanna do? And he's like, I just wanna go somewhere where there's lots of food.

Like every time we stop somewhere, he wants there to be food options. Yes. And so I do include a lot of food stops in our pit stops and in our planning and in our traveling. Um, he is, I don't know if foodie is the right word or if he's just a typical teenage boy who really likes food. Probably both.

Probably both. Would you consider yourself a foodie? I, I mean, I, I'm not very picky, so probably. , I don't know if he's a food connoisseur, but he does really enjoy, I mean, I'll eat anything, so probably not. Yeah. But , he likes to have that variety and the options, like somewhere new, like when we went to Oklahoma and we had the fried pie stop.

Oh yeah. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good pie. It melted my hands, but that was a good pie. Yeah, it was delicious. Or when we go to places like Woody's or Bucky's and they have the beef jerky and the quail eggs and the actually still got some gummy worms I got from Bucky's. Oh, do you?

I do. That trip was over a month ago. That's a big bag. I've been having one each day and they have surprisingly lasted for quite some time. Oh yeah, that's very, um, restrained of you to just eat one each day. I mean, there's a few days where I eat more than one, but usually it's one. You know, whenever on that same trip we went to that chocolate factory Oh yeah.

I ate my entire bag of chocolate in less than a week. Mother. I did. I did. Well, I like the food stops too. Yeah. So include your teenager. And the planning, because that makes the experience that much more fun for them. And then when they're included in the process, it, it makes them appreciate the trip even more.

Yes, it does. Uh, even if mom does tell me where we're going, I will forget it. But like in the back of my mind, I'm like, oh yeah, we're gonna go do a think. Oh, that sounds cool. Yeah, you do often forget it. Like even if I do tell him, he's still surprised because, you know, two hours later he's already forgot.

For instance, I think we talked about this on our last podcast. He probably did, but whenever we were getting ready to go to the lake this past weekend, or was it two weeks ago, Justin comes in and says, Hey, how many days do I need a pack? Of clothes, and we're like, Justin, we're taking the rv. And then it clicked for me, and then he is like, oh yeah, you've only told me this about 20 times.

Hey, hey , technically I've only had to pack for a trip. I'd never really had a knot pack for a trip before. So I mean. I have to get used to this too. Was it nice not having to pack? Yes, absolutely. It was. And then when we got there, you had your entire, I had my entire set set up with you, which is great.

Yeah. I have a bed. I have my own bed. Yeah, I think that was a big thing, having your own bed. Yes. Yeah, your dad says that too. So include them in the planning and , you know, I think there's a lot of times that. Especially whoever the vacation planner is. , we tend to over plan and we have super high expectations as, my family's gonna love this and they're gonna do this, and I expect them to act this way about it.

And then because we didn't include them at all , and they don't respond the way we expect them to, we get disappointed because we feel like they're not. Responding the way we want them to, to all this money we spent, and all this time we put into it and all this thought we put into it, but if you include them in the process.

Then they're gonna be excited whenever what they planned, the part that they planned has been fulfilled and then nobody's left feeling so disappointed about it. Yeah. Actually, I feel like you'd be surprised in what we do react to. Mm-hmm. The people that are on. Not planning part where it's like, oh, that's a cool thing, or, Hey, we can sit down here and just chill for a bit and be fine.

Yes, but as teenagers, they're not going to express it in a way that. We as the parents want them to because they're too cool for that. You know, they're not gonna jump up and down. Like our 1-year-old, when he sees something, he's like, whoa. And he's so excited. Yes. So in fact, that's almost exactly it. But on the inside we are jumping up and down on the inside.

Yes. On the inside. On the inside. It's weird to explain, but like you've been there. You know, our second tip that we wanna talk about is respect their space. Yes. Abs, yes, just yes, teenager. I got my room. Do not come in. Teenagers need their space and we need our space from them. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, so let them have downtime.

So we talk about having downtime all the time on this podcast. We're slow travelers. We love our downtime in this family when we're on vacation, but it's more than just so you're not overexerting yourself. , it's good for little ones that need nap time and it's even good all the way up to the teenagers who just need to like de people eyes themself.

That's a wonderful word. , , Justin says it all the time, like it's two peopley out here and he can handle it in spurts, but then he is like, I need to demobilize myself. Actually, I got that word from a friend of mine, peopley. Yeah. That word's been around for a while. Oh. But they like to just kind of have their own moment to breathe.

, I don't know. , teenagers tend to  process things very differently than adults. Yes. And their moods are quite different than ours. Oh. Our could swing in an instant. You don't know. And so it's good for them to have like that downtime to process their. Experiences, I guess, and just to let them have a moment to breathe.

 , they need their personal space even when you're vacationing, which is why I am gonna say yes. Let them have headphones. , even when you're in the same space, if they're allowed to be on their headphones, and I'm not saying constantly that your child constantly needs to be in front of a screen or be separated from the family, but do allow them moments where they're able to just like block everything else off.

Would you agree? I would agree. There have been some times where I'm like, okay, this is. A bit too much, or the moment is just so stale that I'm like, I need something. It's also a nice way for our teenagers when we're traveling to disconnect themselves from a cranky 1-year-old who travels with us. That too.

That too. So when he's getting fussy and they don't wanna hear it, they can just put in their headphones and listen to audio books or music or whatever it is that they're listening to and they can help. Tone him down and still feel like they're in their own personal space without having their brother's, you know, salty attitude intruded into theirs.

 That's gonna bring me into my next one. They kind of go hand in hand is embrace the screens. Parents embrace the screens. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And again, I'm not saying just hand your child a screen during vacation and let them be on it the entire time. We actually have screen time rules still, even when we're on vacation.

Yes. But I do think there are positive, you know, um. Not with the little ones. Our little ones don't get screens, but with the teenagers, they have their cell phones, they have their iPads, and as long as they're not abusing it or you know, we have rules of like family time or even when we're traveling, like of being on it the entire time, if we're talking or having a discussion, then put 'em away.

Be respectful. But I think it's a great way for them to. Document and share their experience. And it's another way for them to process that vacation is by documenting it and sharing it on social media with their friends. And what do you think? So yes, I do have some things to talk about for that one. Okay.

So the two things most teenagers are gonna do on their phone  while riding in the vehicle. Mm-hmm. Or, , during vacation in general will be one music and two, whatever they're interested in. They're going to look it up. It's one, the two. Oh yeah. I do that on vacation too.

Exactly. So. If it's a car ride that you're going to listen to music or watch a video of the environment isn't too interesting for their liking or something, I don't know. Uh, but during like events or  walking to certain areas, usually I won't, sometimes I will listen to music though, because I'm like,  it's too quiet for me, or something like that.

Hmm. , but majority of events or shows, it gets turned off. 'cause I wanna watch what's going on 'cause I can't see that from my phone. Right, right. It's also another way for them, like we talked about before, to kind of have downtime in their own space. A lot of 'em,  their screens is their downtime.

Yes. , that's how our teenagers tend to disconnect themselves. , which disconnection is not always bad. , if it's a 24 hour thing, you know, and they're completely disconnected from the family, that's bad. But if it's a way for them to have their own downtime, like, I like to pick up a book and read.

I like to pick up my phone and put in my headphones sometimes, and, you know, big on podcasts and audio books, and I want to allow them to have that same disconnect just to have a breathing moment. 

So, speaking about what you were, , talking about a little bit earlier about, uh, documentation. Mm-hmm. , I'm trying to get into more of the recording side of things.  For,  the Instagram thing I got. Mm-hmm. At some point I'm gonna figure out how to do Instagram.

I'm still trying to figure it out the whole. Media thing. , I haven't done it for very long. Yeah. So Justin's 18, but we didn't allow social media until he was like 16, and then he decided he just really wasn't interested in it.  I tried Facebook when I was like, what, 12 or something? Yeah. And then Instagram again at 14, but it was like, I just wasn't cutting it for me.

So like, yeah. But now that we're traveling, if I want to meet new people and be like, Hey, if you wanna check out this, then like you can  check out what's going on and what has been going on during our travels. If you want to, . And it's a way for you to stay connected with people while we're traveling.

Exactly. So I can see how they're doing. So it's like a, a back and forth, but a weird back and forth, but like I'll figure it out. Yeah. Don't get it down. Which is, you know, another thing about allowing them to have the screens, it gives them a creative outlet. Yes. So Justin, , like he said, he's working on, you know, creating, 

instagram reels is what you've been doing. That's what I've been doing. Also, I've been trying to get into music as well. That's a slow process. , for instance, when we went to Oklahoma, he made, you know, a highlight reel of the trip and he shared it and. It's funny, , some of his res , are serious topics and then some of them are hilarious.

It's the mix of what I am. Yeah, so you should go follow him on Instagram. Not a shout out, not a sponsored segment. But you know, it does give them that creative outlet , to document and to share and, creating reels. As someone who does that, I'm not gonna say necessarily as a living, 'cause I don't make a living off of it, but for our branding, for the travel ry, it takes time.

It takes thought, it takes creativity. So yeah, I'm all for letting my kids share their creativity. While we're traveling. Yeah. It, it probably doesn't help that my phone is like 10 years old. Yes. I don't think it's quite that old. But we do need to get you a phone, a new phone. We're gonna get you one before we hit the road.

Okay. Okay. That'll help with that process. Yeah. And then, and then and Android was a good mic. Would probably be. Yeah. Yeah. And then you have to relearn how to do everything. Oh, brother. Because now you have an iPhone, but when you switch to Android, , even the apps, some things work differently.

Really? Yeah. Your dad's having to get used to it right now, and he gets frustrated. I prefer Androids, but I know like most people prefer iPhones, but I do love my Androids. Yeah. Uh, I know one of my friends has an Android and , he says that you can do so much in the settings. I'm like, oh, really? Yeah.

You can barely do anything on iPhone. Yeah. It's really great. So embrace the screens when you have a teenager, even when you're traveling. Set limitations set, you know, expectations for those screens. And if your teen cannot follow those limitations and expectations, then you may have to draw the line even further.

But I feel like if you do embrace it and then allow them to have it to some extent and allow them to share their creativity and document . Their travel and their experiences and allow them to have downtime with it. They'll probably respect the boundaries that you give them. . , I feel like it's a balance.

It's a give and take. You know,  I'm on my phone a lot when we're traveling because I'm taking videos, I'm taking pictures. I'm posting reels to our social media, and so why would I do something and then not allow my children to do that same thing. It would seem a bit hypocritical. Exactly. , There are people like that, but, I'm not gonna be like that because I want my children to respect the boundaries that I draw for them.

But yeah, so embrace the screens. The next tip I'm gonna give is mix it up. Variety is the spice of life. Absolutely. Especially for teenagers. Definitely. They get bored so easily. This is the facts. Yeah. This is just the facts. . Okay. So I think the attention span between my teenagers and my 1-year-old is not that big of a difference.

It's not, it's not. , I feel like you'll have the same attention span. We really do actually. And I think about it. Yeah, we do. No, I'm just kidding. Not quite that extreme. But you want to give them a variety. , . , You're gonna be on vacation for five days and for the entire five days, you're just gonna hit up museums.

That sounds a little boring. You're right. I enjoy a good museum. Yeah. Like a day at the museum. Yeah. A day at somewhere else. Another day. Somewhere else. Yeah. One day kind of being a chill day, another day somewhere else, and then finally going back home. I think that that's fun. Yeah. But not like an entire trip of museums.

No. Or an entire trip of nothing but hiking . Unless your teenager is like a. Big enthusiast of those things, , they're not going to enjoy just doing one thing on vacation.  Even me as an adult,

i'm not sure that I would enjoy five days of museums. I like museums, but. Going to that many, every single day would, would be boring at some point. Yeah. So with a teenager, you definitely wanna mix it up. You wanna have a balance, maybe throw some educational in, maybe throw a little bit of physical activity in, throw in some entertainment.

Don't forget their downtime and their private space. You know, mix it up with them. So one, they're not bored. Actually, I think that's like the main reason. Yeah. So different places, different activities, , different food stops on different days. One day it could be like your mom and pops kind of places another day.

It could be like Mexican or like just like mix it up with the meals and like different, I, I like different foods. Yeah. Variety for your teenager. Give them variety, give them choices as well. If you can't decide between two things to do, ask your teenager. You know, again, involve them. Give them variety.

, Next tip we're gonna talk about is talk to your teenagers, but don't push them. And what I mean by that is embrace the moments you have in the car, while you're on the beach, while you're, you know, doing a quiet hike. While you're watching a sunset. Embrace the moments where there's opportunities to talk.

If they want to engage in a conversation with you, be open, be willing, be available to them, but don't constantly push them into having, , like. Deep, meaningful conversations while you're traveling. Let them kind of decide when that moment is right for them and they will if you make yourself available to them and create spaces so they can , make those moments and those memories with you, they will absolutely engage.

But if you're constantly like. Pushing and nagging to have these deep, meaningful, memorable conversations. They're gonna withdraw from you because that's just what teenagers do. I feel like that's perfect. You feel like that's perfect. That's perfect advice. Would you agree with that? Absolutely. , I always wanna make myself available to my children.

I wanna create those spaces, especially during travel, because if you've created a good atmosphere for traveling, if you, , take into consideration the tips that we've talked about thus far, you're creating an atmosphere for them where they're gonna be happy, where they're gonna be enjoying things and enjoying their family, and they're gonna be so much more open.

To having those deep conversations with you or those, special moments with their family and they're going to embrace that more than they would if you were constantly forcing them to.

Yes. So , from my side of things, I don't like it when people force me to do things. Oh, that is such a teenager thing. Thanks, mom. You're welcome. So, uh, I don't like being forced to learn a subject. I like to be like, oh, this is interesting to me, so I'll learn it.

, Even if I find something interesting and someone's like, oh, well, how about we do this and this and this? I'll be like immediately disengaged from it. Yeah. That's a teenager mindset. That's, that's such a teenager thing. Mm-hmm. I know. But like I've done it, so, yeah. , Also being, I don't wanna say forced to talk is necessarily a bad thing, but I feel like if you're be getting pushed so much that you don't feel like talking, then yeah, that's, I, I like talking personally.

Mm-hmm. And I don't really care too much what the topic is, but. If I'm like genuinely disinterested and don't like it, I won't say almost anything. . Again. Respecting their space, allowing them to have their own space. It really does tie in with that. Yeah. But yes, absolutely create opportunities and moments for them to talk to you if they want to and make yourself available to them.

Yeah. Teenagers are more talkative than you think they are.

Yeah. Be 'cause of our traveling, I have figured out that , I don't like wearing shorts out in public. Mm-hmm. And I like alligator. Like as a food. Oh, like as a food? As a food. Not to wear alligators. That'd be weird. I was trying to think of what you had.

That was alligator. I was like, we don't have it. Then again, there's Florida. So, um, so those are things you discovered during travel? Yeah. Uh, I've also had to become more confident, I guess is the right word, while traveling. Mm-hmm. Like I can't just be in like my own little bubble all the time. Right. , 'cause I wanna get better at this, talking to random people. Mm-hmm. Uh, where I can just talk to them like how I do anyone else? But , that's gonna take some time and a lot more practice. We is talking with random people.

Well, you're about to have a lot of time and opportunities. I know. Uh, I actually made a friend last week, uh, during the VBS we were doing. Mm-hmm. Uh, a cousin of another friend of mine and like, we just kind of clicked after a day or two and it's like, yep, we're friends now. . The world's full of different people and I can't wait to meet so many different kinds. Yeah, it's gonna be fun and exciting and we're so close to being able to do that.

Yo, the adventure of the dream is about to come true. . Do you have any more advice that you would give to parents who are traveling with their teenagers? So any more little things you wanna add? For me personally, it's kind of, don't rush it. Like if I am in a moment, I will stare out and like almost in the daydream and be like, yeah, this is cool, and take it all in slowly.

Mm-hmm. But I'm taking it all in. Maybe not as fast as everyone else, but like it's gonna take me like a few more seconds. , There's some times where I'm like, so disinterest in interested. Can't disinterested. Thank you. In a topic or, uh, an event like the horse riding thing we saw a while back. Uh, the rodeo

oh, the rodeo, yeah. . Where it was just people riding on horses, but like Yeah, they just riding in circles around, they're riding in circles. I know. I wasn't very interested in that either. Yeah. If you're not interested, your teenager's probably not interested. Yeah, probably. We stuck around for the bull riding.

We Yes. Which was fun. Yes. That was great. People were flying and I loved it. It's inevitable you will be traveling with a teenager at some point.

If you are a parent, it will happen. , Try to follow some of these guidance that we've given you. , It makes life a little bit easier if you give and take. Got a give and take. I know as parents we have certain expectations, but then your teenager also has certain expectations going into that same vacation.

 So you gotta find somewhere that you can meet in the middle where everyone in the family can enjoy and have a good memorable family vacation. Yeah. Yeah, thank you for joining us on this episode. If you wanna hear more from our teenagers, let us know and we'll force them and we'll have them come onto our podcast more often.

Anytime. Bob, if there's any questions you have for them, let us know. . After the end of this year, after we've had several months on the road, we will have a q and a with our teenagers about life on the road so far. So make sure that you stay tuned and follow us so you don't miss that one.